
Well, I'll start this blog off by giving my religious back ground as it were. My family is all Roman Catholic, my Nan especially so! My parents however did not want to baptise my sister and I for two reasons:
1) They wanted us to choose
2) They just didn't care
My Nan of course objected to this and liked to remind us constantly that if we were not baptised and we died, we'd end up in Purgatory. When I was young, I used to go to mass enthusiastically with my Nan and from the age of Six I told everyone I wanted to be a Priest! My Mum used to politely say "Just wait till your older before you start thinking like that" - She was of course correct to say that.
In 1996 my Nan gave me my first Prayer book and Rosary beads and I used to read from it nearly every night. At about the same time I started attending a Pentecostal Youth group in an Elim Pentecostal Church right around the corner from my house, the Youth group was more of a fun group and even though the Pastor Glenn preached, it was very light hearted stuff and more about love of God and neighbour. I continued attending the "630 club" until I moved from the UK when I was 13 in 2003.
I also attended a Church of England service on the first Sunday of every month as part of my duties as a scout. My Church was St. Albans and the Priest there was Fr. Hingley, he was as camp as Christmas but he was a nice man! It was a high Anglican Church, we'd say the Angelus half way through and then end the service with singing the national Anthem! I left the scouts when I was about 12.
When I got to Ireland, I was astounded that people in Primary Schools had to go to Confirmation or Communion classes and even at 13 I was offended that people did it as tradition and not because it meant anything real to them except a nice new dress, a meal and some cash. From about 13 to 14 I ignored the subject of religion except when it came to the class where I remember arguing with my religion teacher when she suggested that Jesus' life was completely historically accurate!
When I was 14 I bought a Qur'an, not because I was interested in becoming a Muslim but because I wanted to find out more about another perspective on God than the Roman Catholic one I had become so accustomed to. I read the Qur'an all the way through (It's a lot shorter than the Bible) and I found it interesting, but not inspiring enough to make me reject Christ as the Son of God! After reading the Qur'an I went to read the Bible as I saw it as the next logical step - I became utterly confused! All a long I was taught to pray to certain Saints for specific things but I read a gospel of the Unity of the God head and the ultimate mediator, Jesus Christ. Since that "personal revelation" I have never prayed to a Saint.
After wards, I started to realise that the sexuality I knew I was since I was around 9 was going to be a huge stepping stone in a life that I wanted God to be pleased with. When I first realised something was different at the age of 9, I used to cry to God a lot, not fully understanding why I was different but feeling that because I was different I was something bad that made God unhappy or sad. After assesing the Roman Catholic perspective on things like salvation, Mary, Saints, Homosexuality, Contraception, The Eucharist, Power etc I saw a Church that had it's head in the Middle ages.
Then I discovered the Church of Ireland. I first attended a Church of Ireland service on November 13th 2005. I walked in the door of the Church (In a tracksuit bottoms and random cheap T-shirt!) and I was welcomed by Canon David Williams. He was really nice and normal! My previous experience of Priests was that of seperation but here was a Priest talking to me. After the remembrance service I attended Church every Sunday and always arrived early, It was my job to light the candles.
Almost immediately I spoke to Canon Williams about Baptism. As I said earlier, my Parents didn't baptise me and my Nan's constant bellowing of Purgatorial threats still rang clear. I was blessed enough to be Baptised and Confirmed by The Rt. Rev. Paul Colton, Bishop of Cork, Cloyne and Ross. It was an amazing day because I felt like part of the Church family and part of a community that I previously found it hard to find ground in.
After that, I still continued to go to Church but of course, as I grew, my sexuality became "more real" to me. I read the scriptures daily as always and one day came across the Book of Sirach in the Apocrypha - In it, Sirach tells his Son Jesus to remain sexually pure and when I read that it hit like a train in the face! I associated that feeling with what I felt as a youngster when I knew I was "different" and I came to associate it with meaning, a meaning that meant I had to change.
I came across the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through the internet, I had also got a Book of Mormon by post to give to a friend as a Joke Christmas present and it was in my bedroom cupboard. I took it out of the cupboard and read it and decided it was a load of crap because I believed nothing could add to the Bible (A classic misinterpretation of the last verses of the Book of Revelation). However, after familiarising myself with their doctrine (Which I found was a lot of common sense and biblical) I took a second look at the Book of Mormon and over 3 weeks I read about 80% of it through.
In April of 2007 I took the bus to Cork Airport and then got a Cab to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint's chapel just past the sarsfield road round about. I walked in the door feeling under dressed as I was in jeans and a jumper while they were all in suits. I was welcomed by missionaries who were surprised I knew so much about scripture including their Book of Mormon. I had written out questions to ask them and they answered every one of them! Their names were Elder Ethington and Elder Penrod. They were such nice guys!
After meeting those two missionaries, I was handed over to Elder Hayes who is now a dear friend of mine, and his companion, Elder Langner. Over the next few months we learnt from each other and I studied the scriptures more and more and went to the Latter-day Saint chapel every Sunday for a year or more, after that it was every few weeks or so.
A by product of attending the Latter-day Saints chapel was that I became very indoctrinated which is not always a bad thing but In my case, I feel it was. I stopped drinking, swearing and other things teenage boys entertain themselves with and I became to feel very content and happy and It was happiness! Pure happiness! But, I was suppressing a monster - my sexuality.
It stayed in the back of my mind but at night, I would cry to God as I did as a child to cure me and help me and I would apologise for being a disgrace to him and my family. I wanted so hard to be "straight" so that I wouldn't disappoint my God or my parents, I really wanted them to have a great, righteous and loving son. I continued to attend the Latter-day Saint chapel and kept the commandments of God and was diligent in doing so and I managed to do it without adopting the traditional Latter-day Saint superiority complex which was rife in the Church.
I met many fantastic people in the Church - Elder Douglas, Sister Douglas, Robert Boylan, Elder Hayes, Liam Curtain, The Jensons - who have had a real and lasting impact on my life and my out look on things. The happiness was not to last!
One night, as my Parents were on holiday, I decided to invite about 15 friends over to the house for a party - I wasn't drinking obviously - but my friends were. That night, I gave into temptation when it came to alcohol for the first time in a long time and I told my friends of the inner struggle I was facing. They had known I was gay since I was 15 however, they thought my suppressing it was working.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints position on homosexuality is that if you're gay, stay celibate. They don't encourage you to try and cure it or get married as a way to solve it. You just have to stay celibate which of course, I would do if God wanted it.
That night changed everything, it made me re-evaluate everything but I still held dear to the doctrine and in the December of that year, in an emotional state, I sent the most stupid email I have ever sent (to date), it asked for my "excommunication" from the Church of Ireland. I managed to get my Bishop worried and my local Minister thought I was suicidal (which my Chaplain and I found hysterical as I was a really happy person). I went to meet my Minister and lets just say, things didn't go well! He turned me off Anglicanism for the mean time and I ignored it and considered nothing but a regret.
At the same time, I was continuing to go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint chapel and meet with the missionaries but less often than before. People in the Latter-day Saint congregation started questioning why I wasn't being baptised, I knew it was because I wasn't "cured" of my homosexuality but I told no one. I went soul searching and scripture searching to help me and I researched both sides of the homosexual debate and to my surprise, I found that out of
conviction NOT convenience, God ordains all loving, meaningful relationships.
I read over the Bible verses and read them in context for the first time ever. I don't consider this a liberal thing, I consider it common sense! I know that the Hebrews had no idea that a loving relationship between two same sex people was possible, even Queen Victoria only 150 years ago couldn't comprehend the idea of two women being in a relationship and refused to make it illegal because she didn't think it possible.Also, The Hebrew people needed to have children to continue their people and would have seen homosexual relations as an obstacle to propagating their seed.
I read the verses in Romans chapter one (ones which I had previously, and God forgive me, used against my gay friends) and understood that the reason Paul spoke negatively of homosexuality was that he saw it as a Pagan practice and talks not of people who were born gay but people turning against "their natural use...burning in lust for one another". In my process of accepting my homosexuality as something I was born with and acknowledging and understanding that God ordains all love, I set up LGBT Christians to help people in the same position as I was in.
I was looking for the love and acceptance of God and I realised, when I left the Church of Ireland, I walked away from the very love I craved.
In February of 2009, I contacted my Bishop to apologise for the sill email I had sent and informed him of some of the things that had taken place in the meeting with my minister and it was obvious that Bishop Paul was and is a very understanding man of God. It took sometime but when I first could, I attended St. Anne's Church in Shandon, an LGBT friendly Church and met the wonderful Rev'd Brian O'Rourke. This month (May) I attended a service at St. Finbarrs for the International Day Against Homophobia that my Bishop was kind enough to attend. It was all this that made me see God and his love working in the Church of Ireland, I found the love and acceptance of God in the Church of Ireland and I wanted to be a part of it again!
I am proud to be an Anglican; Why? Because it means loving my God, my neighbour and my self all in the name of my saviour Jesus Christ who loves me for how he created me.